


I am not gay

by kgt



Series: BOYPUSSY AU [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Beards, Boypussy Kurt, Cheer, Cheerio, Cheerleader, F/F, F/M, Gay, Homophobia, Homosexual, Lesbian, Light Masochism, Light Sadism, Love, M/M, Obsession, Rape, Self-Harm, Squirting, Stalking, Strong Language, Unrequited Love, Violence, boy pussy, hiding gay, in the closet, mental abuse blaine, scared to be gay, selfhate, unholy trinity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:59:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4034383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kgt/pseuds/kgt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson is not gay, even if he is obsessed with Kurt Hummel. He knows he will never be good enough to cheerio Kurt and he never expects Kurt to settle for a lima loser like him who had no plans for the future asides from fucking his in the closet lesbian girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. teenage dirtbag

**Author's Note:**

> This story may be dark and turn scary, not in the horror sense but in the length Blaine is willing to go for Kurt.

CHAPTER 1

I AM JUST A TEENAGE DIRTBAG.

BLAINE ANDERSON POV

I think the most important thing is to say that ‘I am not gay.’ I do not think guys are ‘hot’ ‘cute’ or ‘sexy’ I do not want to touch another guy…. Well except him.

Still, I am not gay.

Seriously, I am NOT gay.

I sighed as I watched my crush eat a salad on the ‘loser’ table, he has the most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen, and I can sit here and stare all day. Stare and try, try to decide if they are green or blue because from every angle they became a different shade. Fuck that sounds so gay, it’s not like I am in love with him because I am not a fag. I mean I am dating Santana Lopez, one of the hottest girls in school; she is absolutely crazy in bed. I am captain of the football team, a football team that hates my crush’s face. I am a B- student, straight B- and I was the top bad ass, taking Puck’s place when he ran to homo explosion.

“Staring at your little girlfriend?” Dave asked in a mocking tone, my eyes flickered to Santana who sat besides the beautiful flawless being that is Kurt Hummel. He was sandwiched between Quinn and Britney wearing a cheerio uniform, that uniform hung to every curve on his body. Whenever he wore it he had my other head’s attention. 

“Mind your own business Fatso” I growled at him. David Karofsky mocking face flickered from mockery to anger in five seconds flat. “Aww, did I make poor davey wavey mad?” I mocked, he rose to his feet with Azimio following behind when he walked out of the cafeteria. I watched Kurt get up and dump the lunch he barely ate in the trash. I didn’t even notice the rest of the glee losers on the table. He had my girlfriend, Quinn and Britney by his side as he walked out of the cafeteria. I stared at his ass, he had such a nice ass.

I was not gay.

Kurt had a boypussy which meant two things. I am not fucking gay and I would not mind taking his v-card at the back seat of my car. I want him, I want to fuck him. He wouldn’t want me anyway, even if I did leave Santana and join homo explosion he would never want me. I was not good enough for him. No one was. No one will ever be good enough for him. 

I want to at least talk to him, he doesn’t even know who I am, he knew nothing about me apart from the fact that I was the one that put Santana’s legs behind her head every day. I had never spoken to him but he called me a Neanderthal every time I passed by with my friend(s); Nick, Jeff, Wes or David. He seemed to dislike me and I had never done shit to him, maybe like stare at him and follow him around. Besides that I had been nothing but nice to him.

I sighed and turned my attention to Wes who was staring at me with a raised brow, he and Nick were the only ones who knew how badly I wanted between Kurt’s legs. It was not just about sex, I liked Kurt’s eyes and his smile. I liked how he walked and talked, I liked his confidence and sass. I loved how controlling he was and how he always wanted his way. Basically I was whipped and worst of all, I was whipped by a boy.

“What?” I snapped at Wes, I was bitter that I could not date Kurt, I was not gay. Health class already explained that Kurt was a boy even though he had a pussy, he didn’t have a woman’s reproductive system. I was never going to date him anyway so what was the point of thinking of him. My father would die if I bought home a boy, he already gives me shit about Santana’s reputation for fucking anything and everything. Come on she may be a cheating whore but at least she is a cheating whore that puts out and ignores it when I moan Kurt’s name.

What I wouldn’t give to be beneath Kurt in the Cheerio pyramid on the days coach Sylvester makes him wear a skirt. I really want to just look once, if that made me a weirdo sicko with an obsession for a boy that has no idea I exist aside from the fact he think I am an idiot, then fuck it. 

I don’t care, as long as it did not mean I was a fag, or gay. I walked over to the slushy machine, choosing cherry before I walked to the gay explosion table and slushied Rachael, she screeched and her boyfriend Finn Hudson was by her side in my face. 

“Going to hit me Hudson?” I mocked. His glee fag friends stood behind him and my friends backed me up. He knew hitting me meant he would be off the football team.

“What the fuck is your problem Anderson?” he asked angrily, I smirked and pretended to think about it for a second. “I just don’t like your girlfriend’s face or clothes.”

“let’s just go guys, he is not worth our time.” Rachael said as she grabbed Fin’s hand and led him out, the glee fags trailing behind them. The black girl shook her head and glared at me, I did not like her but she was off limits, she was Kurt’s best friend after all.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Kurt was in my French class, he sat two seats ahead of me, I struggled to keep my attention the teacher and not on Kurt’s hair that looked perfect. My best part of French was when the teacher asked Kurt to read out a passage. Kurt was the best student in French, it was probably because he lived there a while when he was younger.  
Beautiful and smart, is there nothing he cannot do?

Again I am not a stalker just because I broke into the nurse’s office at night to see his medical records and principal’s office to see his permanent record. 

“….So pair up” the teacher said and I looked up seeing everyone scattering to find a partner while I sat the watching Kurt, Jacob Israel was already by Kurt’s side, the Jewish bastard was Kurt’s permanent partner because he sucked at French worse than anyone else and Kurt was the best. I was going to kick his ass for it later, how dare Jacob pair up with Kurt.  
I wish this was a movie, I would have been paired with Kurt and he would instantly realize he is in love with me. If he did I was not sure how I would react because I was not gay and I could not be with him openly. Maybe I could, if he really wanted me I could be with him, I would not mind doing anything to make him happy.

I heard a laugh leave his lips and it was like angels singing, I broke from my trance when a lumped piece of paper hit my head. I looked down at it and picked it up, looking behind me to the right I saw Wes. I opened it and read the note. ‘stop staring you look like a love sick puppy’ I ripped up the note and tried to focus.

XxXxXxXxXxXXXxx

After school, I had kicked Jacob Isreal’s ass and thrown him in the dumpster. He probably had no idea why I had kicked his ass, stolen his wallet and dumped him in the trash. I am definitely not going to tell him it was because he stole an opportunity from me. Instead I turned to karofsky, rick-the-stick, and Azimio who stood behind me and smirked.

“Man I hate nerds” I commented, I could see the approval in their eyes. We went our separate ways. I headed towards glee where my girlfriend was no doubt sitting with Britney and probably cursing out everyone in the room. I got to the glee room and saw Kurt performing defying gravity. I could only stare with my mouth agape, I had never really heard him sing so high, like an angel.

I tried to compose myself hoping no one saw but as I turned to look at the gleeks, Santana was staring at me with a knowing expression on her face, I silently took a seat beside her. “Just ask him out already” she whispered to me.

“I am not a fag” I replied in a whisper. She shook her head and turned her attention back to Kurt, he was perfect and out of my reach. Said perfection was walking up to me, I felt my heart skip a beat and I took a deep breath.

“You are in my seat” he said in a bitchy tone, my eyes widened and before I could stop myself I had moved to the next seat, he sat down and started to talk to Santana while the rest of the club was silent until Fin spoke up.

“That is not fair last time I told you to get out of my seat you saw it as an opportunity to punch me in the face.” Fin snapped. I smirked at him, I was suspended from the team for a week but it was worth it. His smug face, all because he was step brothers with Kurt.

“Maybe, I don’t hit women” I snapped back, Kurt stiffened beside me. Shit, I did not mean to say he was a girl. I know he is a boy. Kurt turned to glare at me with icy blue eyes. Dammit I want to apologize but I can’t, what difference would it make to him, I was just a fucking lima loser.

If only I would sing, if I could just sing to him and not be gay, If I were part of the lima losers. I am not, I am Blaine Anderson. I wish I could sing him ‘teenage dirtbag’ by wheatus. I could see myself standing in front of the glee club holding an electric guitar. I’d be wearing something other than my varsity jacket, plain white tee and blue baggy jeans. I would be wearing a leather jacket and skin tight jeans, I would be staring at Kurt and he would be smiling.

His name is Hummel  
I have a dream about him  
he rings my bell  
I got gym class in half an hour  
Oh, how he rocks  
In scarfs and uniforms  
But he doesn't know who I am  
And he doesn't give a damn about me

This would be the part where Kurt will suddenly realize he has been in love with me all his life and the emotions will pour into his eyes letting me know he knows who I am. His lips would curve into the biggest smile I have ever seen on his face. 

'Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby  
Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby  
Listen to Iron Maiden maybe with me

Maybe he would listen to my favorite band and let me take him out on a date and hold his hand, then we fuck and we date and get married. I found myself biting my lip as I thought about the blush that would light up in his cheeks. 

 

His brother's a dick  
And he brings his friend puck to school  
And they'd simply kick  
My ass if they knew the truth  
wish Kurt would live on my cock

I snapped out of my daydream when I heard the choir room door slam, Kurt was out and angry. He probably wanted nothing to do with me. But then he never wanted anything to do with me before, this time it hurt because I could feel rejection, he probably hated me now.

“You asshole” Mercedes snapped. She stood up to trail after Kurt along with Quinn, Santana and Britney. Will Schuester shook his head at me, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“I don’t think non- members should attend meeting anymore.”


	2. I like his underwear and vogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How hard can it be to get Kurt's vogue? answer? i am under his bed.

Dear journal,

‘Today is not like any other day, things are looking up for Kurt Hummel’. I begin with this quote like I always do in hopes of it becoming true and guess what? It does not work! I still have a crappy day or I still have another dirty old man offering me money to fuck them because they want to ‘hit boy pussy’ and ‘cross it off their bucket list’.   
I hate my life, but not now!

After telling my dad what happened in glee he agreed to give me money for the new jacket I want. I do not understand how Santana can date such an asshole, scratch that he may be the only being on the planet that is a bigger ass than her. Law of physics failed her obvious when they said opposites attract.

I don’t care.

I hate Anderson so much, always feeling like he is better than everyone else and picking on people who cannot fight back. If I had been in Finn’s body yesterday I would have dumped my non-violence approach and given him a good beat down.

Kidding, violence is never the answer. Well it is not like he has ever done anything other than to ignore me, he has not bullied me or even looked at me. Maybe because I am one of Santana’s real friends I use the word carefully. She and I were not close despite how often she and the rest of the unholy trinity trail me like I am part of their ‘click’.

I hate Anderson and his stupid hair.

I am so sick of being called a girl, first and foremost; I have a pussy but I cannot get pregnant, secondly I can get a girl pregnant. Not that I would ever want to sleep with a girl. I love girls but I don’t think I would know what to do if I touched boobs.

I am so sick of these ignorant people!

I wish Ohio was not a cow state.

I hate Anderson so much, he said what I am sure everyone thinks about me. It is offensive because I am a guy! I don’t know how much louder I have to shout it. I don’t know why during gym I have to change in the coaches’ office because I am not a ‘girl’ or ‘boy’, at least that is what that ignorant asshole had said to me. Really and truly all my life people just thought I was so girly, I am so sick of it.

I wish I was different.

I wish my dad would talk to me like I am a guy and not a girl. He even laughs when Puck makes joke about me being on my period. I pretend and laugh along because he is already so defensive of me I don’t need him being any more aggressive.

He gave Finn a safe sex talk and told me to wait till I was 30, I know that what happened in- I know it affected all of us but I am a guy. I want everyone to see me as one and treat me like one.

Kurt Hummel.

I looked up from my entry in my journal, it was just like the other, the therapist said it was meant to remind me of all the good times but the pages where almost filled with solely negative entries. I think the only two occasion that anything good happened to me was when I joined the glee club and when I joined the cheerio.  
I open the drawer of my study table and place the journal into the nearly empty space, it was not for anyone to read but me. The therapist talked to my family, said it should act as a safe haven for me. I sighed and stood up, I wish I was not so different, maybe a lot would not have happened. Maybe I would be safe if I had been born a normal guy, I hate the thing between my legs because it set me apart, straight guys like girls and gay girls like dick. Who liked me? Everyone sees me and I am certain I look like a science experiment to them.

At least in here no one could get to me, I was safe. I wrapped my arms around myself and turned off the lights before heading to my bed to get some sleep. In this safe haven I would toss and turn from the nightmares, I would see his face as he hovered over me. I learn to deal with it and I know someday I will be fine.  
I shut my eyes when my head and body laid flat on the soft bed, to some it would have been peace, to me it was a chance to remember someone I should forget. I can’t when every time I close my eyes I see his face.

I wish I was not sick and broken.

when will my knight in shinning amour arrive?

XxXxXxXxXxXxXXxXxXX

I sat in the back seat, after the event that happened three years ago my dad didn’t want me driving on my own, this made me the third wheel in the Rachael and Finn love show, seriously I am in the backseat watching them swap spit. I could die from the sheer amount of Finchel love in this car right now. Yuck!

“Can we go now, please?!” I snapped out when they broke apart for air, I shifted uncomfortably in my cheerio uniform which coach said I either wear a skirt today or she would implants boobs in my chest in my sleep.

“Kurt don’t be jealous, I am sure you will find someone soon. Not as good looking as Finn but someone that can stomach your… situation” Rachael replied, this is why I hate her, this is why I cannot stand her. She is always so… I ignore her and flip through the vogue in my hands pausing to stare at the jacket dad had given me money for. It was circled and hand hearts surrounding it, then some white stuff? Weird considering how well I kept the copies of my vogue. White stuff never stained the pages before.

The car finally started moving; the only good thing about Anderson was his hate for Rachael was almost as hot as mine. I smirked, I wish I could have seen him slushy the diva seating before me, I smiled a little before turning to look at Finn.

“Rachael, sweet misunderstood Rachael. “ I said, she turned to look at me with a raised brow. Her face was turning red in anger as I continued to mock her. “Finn is the only one in glee club that can stand you and when he leaves you for a hotter cheerleader you will be alone”

“Well its better than being a mutant-“she began but the horn cut her statement off, she glared at me. “Finn does she really have to tag along?”

“Yes I do Pre-k, it’s my car” I said before looking down and flipping to the next page where the white substance was all over the page. What the fuck is this?

“Pre-k?” she said in confusion.

“You dress like you are in Pre-k duh.” I replied as I lifted the book to smell it, it smelt like- I scream and dropped the book. “Finn, please tell me you stole my vogue”. Finn swerved to the right in shock before parking the car.

I couldn’t breathe and it was spinning, I could hear Rachael tell Finn I was seeking attention then I was in darkness. The whole world dark and I felt nothing, no pain, no fear, no anger. I felt nothing. It felt better than I have felt in a long time.

xXxXxXxXxXxXXXxXxXxXxXxX

Blaine POV

It was not that Blaine loved breaking into the Hudson-Hummel household, he just liked the way he could feel closer to Kurt, he loved how he could jerk off to the smell of Kurt. He loved how he could read Kurt’s journal and just know what was happening in Kurt’s life. He could imagine Kurt spread out on the bed in one of his shirts smiling at him. “I love you” left imaginary Kurt’s lips and Blaine felt the urge to reach out, but he knew Kurt was not there.

He messed up last time, someone had come home early and he had come all over Kurt’s vogue, lucky for him, Kurt ever took his Vogue with him to school, he needed to clean off the page that had dried cum and get rid of any and all evidence of his sick deeds.

He was sick and he knew it, when his dad beat the gay out of him he made it clear that gay was a sickness, mentally and he needed help. He was sent to a Christian camp and now he was fixed. He was FIXED. He was fixed and that was why he was in Kurt Hummel’s room. He was sick and he- he loved it.

Blaine smirked when he descended down the stairs into Kurt’s territory. He smelt vanilla and sunlight. That was Kurt’s smell, so amazing. He sat on the bed and lifted a pillow to his nose, inhaling sharply. 

After a few more moments he stepped into Kurt’s walk-in closet and to his underwear drawer, he carefully folded back the black lacy panties he took and headed for Kurt’s laundry basket. He wanted Kurt’s dirty underwear. Finding a pair of briefs he sniffed it and he dug his hands into his pants feeling his dick.

His dick was hard and thick.

Find the vogue clean up evidence then ‘wank’, it was simple.

He broke from his thoughts when he heard it, the door opening above him. Someone had yet again come home early. He quickly hid himself under the bed. The footsteps became louder as the person walked on the creaking headboards approaching Kurt’s room door. Blaine heard the door open, the person or people were in Kurt’s room. He could see feet in his face, then the bed above him dipped down.

“Kurt you are going to be okay, I promise.” Blaine knew Finn’s voice, he had however heard one set of feet, he had only seen one set of feet which meant that Finn had carried Kurt. He felt bitter and angry, what gave the oaf the right to touch Kurt in such a way. His hands squeezed into fists, teeth grit, grinding on each other. “Kurt it was probably one of your fancy creams, I don’t think anyone one would break in just to cum on your vogue.”

Blaine bit his lip, Kurt had seen it. Fuck, he didn’t want Kurt to ever find it like that.

“I just- Finn, I never use my vogue near-“ Kurt began. The bed moved above Blaine, he guessed Kurt was sitting up.

“I think you should take your sleeping pills and forget about it, mom will be back in an hour to take care of you. I am going to school now, Rachael doesn’t like to be kept waiting”   
Finn said. He made a move to leave but paused when Kurt spoke.

“Of course! Rachael must not be kept waiting, I may or may not have another sicko stalking me again. Still Rachael should not be kept waiting! I cannot go through this again, I can’t be alone Finn. What if he comes back?“ Kurt sounded hysterical, sounds of sobs filled the room and Finn sighed. Blaine felt different, guilt eating him up as he lay beneath the bed Kurt laid on.

“You are fine, no one is after you. Remember what the therapist said? Your mind is playing tricks on you. Have you been taking you anti-impresisipants?” Finn asked.

“Anti-depressants Finn” Kurt’s sobs slowed and he became still.

“Remember two months ago you felt the same way about the mailman?” Finn said.

“I guess you are right, it is all in my head. Dad is really careful with security; no one is trying to hurt me.”

“Yeah, I will see you when I get back from school.” Finn assured Kurt.


	3. take me to church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Santana's push.

chapter 3

Blaine was in love the moment Kurt slid his panties down his long legs( he watched them pooled on the floor), he risked being seen to stick his head out and stare at Kurt’s ass. Kurt has such a nice ass, it was curvy and plump. How does one even describe a great ass? Blaine had such an urge to eat him out. He felt his stomach give a nervous churn, his dick was getting hard and the cause of his problems had no idea what was happening. 

Kurt is so pale, Blaine noted. He could not help but let his hands dip into his pants. If he was going to be stuck here the least he could do was wank to Kurt’s ass. He was not sure if he was grateful or angry he was stuck under the deity’s bed. He was so fucking pale and perfect like a porcelain doll, Kurt was a doll. His doll, he should not entertain these kinds of thoughts. He reminded himself of what his father would do to him again if he ever suspect Blaine wanted to stick his fingers in a boy’s pussy or ass. The six weeks he spent in the hospital under intensive care was enough, the Christian camp after that was what made him fully understand how sick he was.

One song described his love for Kurt; take me to church by hozier.

Blaine sighed as Kurt wore silk pyjamas thereby hiding the mouth-watering skin, he slide back under the bed staring at the springs just above his face.  
Blaine was not sure he could trust himself with Kurt above him, he was so sick. He hated Kurt for making him feel this way, he hated himself for being shit and hated his father for treating him like shit. Then again he was a teenage dirt bag, he was worth as much as a dollar note torn in half and missing one half. He wondered why he ever felt Kurt could lo- like him, he wasn’t worth shit and didn’t understand why he still chose to live.

Kurt was so beautiful why would he ever look at him, besides Blaine could never have him, it made him hate it all. Sick, being gay was sick. If Kurt was a boy then his father could beat the shit out of Blaine again. This happened because Blaine was sick, because it was sick for Blaine to like Kurt Hummel. He was sick.

He was sick.

Why was it sick to like Kurt? Why was it wrong to want to hold a boy’s hand instead of a girl? Why did it make him sick? Why was pretending better than the truth? He wasn’t sure if this was how he saw himself in a year. He wasn’t sure he would be alive in a year’s time.  
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kurt POV

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx  
Glee was like the only slice of heaven I have had in such a long time, Cheerio practise is just irritating, coach Sue is in a ‘must-win-nationals’ frenzy, she has sucked the life out of us, its kind of sad or annoying that when nationals come around she takes our souls. Glee, the time I spend here makes me feel alive again, but not today… as Mr Schue finished his speech that I didn’t listen to, I rose my hand. “Yes Kurt?” he said with a raised brow.

“I have a song-“ as I spoke Rachael rose her hand, she quickly walked to stand beside Mr Schue.

“I have a song too, I’ll go first because I am already here” Rachael said, Mr Schue looked ready to protest but let it go and sat down. She sang but I didn’t listen to a word out of her mouth. Today I felt broken, like everyone could see that I was damaged goods.

When it was my turn to sing, I sat down on a stool trying to hold back my tears. Today was just one of the days I felt crap, I couldn’t explain why I felt like slicing my writs open and watching the blood run down unto the floor.

Exit wounds by the script

My hands are cold, my body's numb  
I'm still in shock, what have you done?  
My head is pounding, my vision's blurred  
Your mouth is moving, I don't hear a word

And I hurt so bad, that I search my skin  
For the entry point, where you went in  
And ricocheted and bounced around  
And left a hole when you walked out, yeah

I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room  
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?  
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose  
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds  
Wounds!  
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping  
Exit wounds  
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping

Marks of battle, they still feel raw  
A million pieces of me, on the floor  
I'm damaged goods, for all to see  
Now who would ever wanna be with me?

I've got all the baggage, drink the pills  
Yeah, this is living but without the will  
I'm backing out, I'm shutting down  
You left a hole when you walked out, yeah

I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room  
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?  
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose  
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds  
Wounds!  
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping  
Exit wounds  
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping

Lose your clothes and show your scars that's who you are  
Marks of battle, they still feel raw  
A million pieces of me, on the floor  
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room  
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?  
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose  
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds  
Wounds!  
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping  
Exit wounds  
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping

As I finished tears slid down my cheeks, I hate my life. I feel so alone most of the time and nobody understands, the guy I loved raped me. No one could comprehend it, who would ever really want to be with me? I was damaged. 

I was crazy, I was sick. I tried to walk tall, hide my face as I walked passed Anderson and his goons. He froze as he stared at me, walking up to me. His goons looked confused, He grabbed unto my wrist and dragged me along with him. “Anderson where you dragging lady Hummel to?” I heard one yell after us. I didn’t even fight him. I don’t care if he beats me up, maybe I would not feel like this anymore. Maybe if I am lucky, he would beat me into a coma and I can finally have some peace! Maybe...

He opened the Janitor closet door and pushed me in with enough force that made my back hit the wall, he glared at me. At first I didn’t hear him, he was looking at me with intensive brown eyes. I held his gaze and more tears slid down my cheeks and I tried to choke down a sob.

“Who did this? I will kick their ass.” He said and this time his hands cupped my cheeks in his hands to try and make me focus on him. “Who hurt you?” he said in an acidic tone. 

“Who is the dead man that made you cry?” 

“Fuck you, why do you care? Just beat me up and fuck off.” I growled, he smiled a little at me. He laughed dryly before smirking.

“Why do I care?” he asked. “Because I am fucking sick” he snapped leaning into me, my heart frozen in fear that he would do what HE did. Anything but for him to rape me, God I cannot go through this again.

“Please don’t” I said. 

“I am not here to hurt you, just tell me who made you cry and let me fuck them up. Fucking stop crying like a girl” he growled.

“I didn’t ask you for any help and I am a fucking boy!” I pushed passed Blaine to leave but he grabbed me, holding me still.

“I know you are a boy” he said softly. He looked down for a moment, “Please just tell me who hurt you. Please, I would do anything for you” I blinked back my tears, what is he talking about? We were not friends; did Santana tell him to protect me?

“No one made me cry, I made myself cry.” I said, he stared at me as if to see if I was lying or telling the truth. “You can let me go now, Anderson” he nodded his head and let go of my hand. I left the closet to go to my car and drive home.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The next day after glee as I was trying to get home. I couldn't move ahead because there was a blockage, a fucking cheerio blockage called Santana in my path. I ran into Santana on my way out to meet Finn, she crossed her hands and slanted her hips to the side. She was wearing her cheerio outfit with her hair in a ponytail, she was blocking my path.

“Lady Hummel, what’s up with the water-works yesterday? I don’t care but if you are going to PMS you should let us know before time. Seriously, usually you look presentable. Yesterday you looked like a racoon, you cried off your fucking mascara and eyeliner.” She smirked, at the look I gave her. “Going to cry some more, cause I hurt your feelings?”

“Fuck you Santana!” I snapped trying to move around her but she didn’t let me move past her.

“Best you can do I assume? It really hurt baby teeth. Well anyway, because this process is going to take longer than needed, I don’t see what he sees in you but Blaine likes you. Seeing as you are both fucked up idiots I, because I am kind will help you two get together.” She said. “Seriously I don’t see why he’d like a virgin queen that would most likely never put out and has a really gay face. Seriously has there ever been a moment you looked straight? I mean you look like your legs have been screwed shut with no chance of it ever opening”

I rolled my eyes at her. “I don’t want your boyfriend Santana. I hate Anderson, he hates me too and we are both happy that way. Now If you would excuse me?” I snapped at her, she smirked at me.

“You think Anderson hates you?” she laughed like it was the most amusing thing. “My Mexican third eye tells me otherwise” my teeth clenched and I glared at her with my best bitch glare.

“Excuse me” I snapped. 

“You try and walk away from me and I will cut you, you see this fucking hair I have razors up in it and I will slice off those irritating lips of yours.” I took a step back, she smirked. “Follow me Hummel” I glared at her.

I felt anger and hatred at HIM, that sicko that forced himself on me, the sad and self-pity feeling gone. She led me back to the glee club, I sat on my usual seat and she left shutting the door behind her. The next thing I know Blaine is thrown into the room and the door is shut, I hear it lock and I glare at Anderson.

“Shit! Fuck you Santana!” he snapped. School had closed and by now most people where gone, Blaine was banging on the door. He sighed and said “Fucking bitch” under his breath, he turned and saw me and his face became really red like a tomato.

“I don’t know what she told you but it is a fucking lie” he snapped. 

“I didn’t believe it was true anyway” I shrugged, he stared at me. “We both hate each other” I shrugged.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx  
Blaine POV  
XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

This was the moment I could have come clean and said I liked Kurt, sing him a song. Lay it on the ground. I was fucking scared, terrified. Not only of him rejecting me but him accepting my feelings and letting my father finding out I had reverted to my sick phase.

He stared at me with those large eyes, today he had a scarf on with black knee length boots, blue skinny jeans and a grey sweater. when i saw him during the day the sweater stopped mid-thigh. His face was blank of all emotions but anger and confusion. 

He looked beautiful, “She has to let us go eventually so just seat your butt down till she does” he said. I could easily say ‘please go out with me’ or serenade him. I haven’t sung in years but God he made me want to sing him a whole album. 

I had to make a decision if I forever wanted to be known as Anderson to him or be known as Blaine, it was like years were passing by and I was frozen. I felt like my heart would explode in my chest as he smiled at me.

So I belted out a song. Take me to church by hozier

My lover's got humour  
he's the giggle at a funeral  
Knows everybody's disapproval  
I should've worshipped him sooner

If the heavens ever did speak  
he's the last true mouthpiece  
Every Sunday's getting more bleak  
A fresh poison each week

"We were born sick," you heard them say it

My church offers no absolutes  
he tells me, "Worship in the bedroom."  
The only heaven I'll be sent to  
Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick  
But I love it  
Command me to be well  
Aaay. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Take me to church  
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life

If I'm a pagan of the good times  
My lover's the sunlight  
To keep the Goddess on my side  
he demands a sacrifice

Drain the whole sea  
Get something shiny  
Something meaty for the main course  
That's a fine-looking high horse  
What you got in the stable?  
We've a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty  
That looks plenty  
This is hungry work

Take me to church  
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me my deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life

No Masters or Kings  
When the Ritual begins  
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene  
Only then I am human  
Only then I am clean  
Ooh oh. Amen. Amen. Amen.


	4. I like your stupid face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the song Blaine sang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BETA needed

Kurt POV 

I stared at Blaine as he sang, he could really sing. Like he really, really he blew me away. Such a beautiful voice attached to such a monster, obviously life was not fair. As he finished the song, his eyes became fixed on me as if expecting a reaction from me. It is almost like he was demanding a reply, but the truth is he has another thing coming if he expects me to tell him how wonderful his voice is or if this is his way of trying out for glee. I still say ‘NO’ to him, I don’t need him or his meat head friends in my haven.

Then again he has never really bothered me and except for the name calling he has never spoken to me. Plus the other day he was okay and nice… I guess… Still, he can only be bad news. He will probably just be poison, poison that tortures Rachael Berry in the only place she is tolerated… 

I have to be considerate here and think of everyone but Rachael’s best interest at heart. If he promises to leave Finn alone and be nice to the other members of the glee club, I guess we can probably do him some good like we did Noah. Anything to torture Rachael will make me happy, why hadn’t he asked Santana to talk to Mr Schuester for him anyway? 

“Well?” he asked. His eyes still focused on me, he looked nervous almost as if it were a life and death situation. Maybe he figures that my vote can persuade half the glee club in his favour, I guess then I can do it. I will help him talk to the rest of the glee club.

“Okay” I said, he looked happy. “I will talk to Mr Schuester into letting you join the glee club” his face fell and he squeezed his hands into fists.

“I don’t want to join that stupid club!” he snapped me. " Do you actually think that I poured my heart out in that gay song to join a club?"

“Then why are you singing to me?” I snapped back, “if it is not for the ‘stupid’ glee club what are you doing belting out a love song, are you singing to Santana through the door?” I asked. He let out a frustrated growl and glared at me.

“I am singing because I fucking like your stupid face!” he growled turning his back to me, he punched the wall. This had to be some kind of joke him and Santana are playing on me. It will probably end up with me getting slushied or thrown in the garbage. Why is it always me? Do I have a target on my head that says fire at will? “Say something dammit! I like you, I like the way you smile.” His cheeks are turning red; this is all so very frightening. When he tries to approach me again, I feel my heart speed up. “I like you” he took a step towards me. “Can we talk?”

“Don’t come any closer to me Anderson, I don’t know what game you and Santana are playing at but I will not fall for it. I am not stupid and your tricks will ‘not’ work on me.” I glared at him standing ready to run if he tried to take a step closer to me. 

“I won't hurt you Hummel, I swear I won’t” he said softly. Not moving any closer he just chose to keep staring at me with what looked like a hurt expression on his face; he looked as if I had slapped him across the cheek. “You look amazing today like you always do, I am not good at all these feelings stuff but I really like you. I was singing to you before, I thought since you are in glee club you would like it. Just stop looking at me like I want to stab you or something.”

“What the actual fuck? Finn! I am scared, don’t come any closer.” I was panicking if there was that ‘look’, the look that made me unable to sleep well at night. I could never forget is the look, and here he was staring at me like that monster had once stared at me. I can see the lust in his eyes and it was scaring me, I just cannot handle it again. I can’t survive through this again and tears start flowing down my cheeks and it was like the room was spinning and I could not breathe.  
I started taking deep breaths, I took a seat and Anderson was staring up at me. “I guess that is the sound of my heart breaking, the thought of being with me almost makes you have a panic attack” he goes to bang on the door and Santana finally opens it, she steps into the room.

“He has been in love with you since you moved her 2 years ago Kurt, you could have at least not done the-panic-attack-get-out-of-dinner-thing. Hummel you don’t have to be a complete ass about it, I mean the guy sang you a disgustingly sick song and-“he words faded and it all went black. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I woke up to Finn’s face hovering over me with a concerned look, he gave me a dopey smile “Santana said you just started screaming and passed out, thank God she was there to call Burt” 

“Finn dear, don’t stand too close before you catch her sickness” Rachael’s disgusting voice echoed but I didn’t bother to look for her, I looked to the familiar ceiling of the familiar hospital room. Here I am, in the hospital room that was probably by now called the Hummel room.

“Thanks for sticking up for me Finn, really thank you so much” I said sarcastically.

“Hey, I just try not to get caught in the middle.” Finn rose his hands in a defensive stance before taking a step back. 

“Or maybe he agrees with-“Rachael was cut off by a harsh voice.

“I am getting really sick of you missy, don’t pick on my kid again” my eyes searched out the voice in the pure white room, my dad stood at the door glaring at Rachael. My shinning knight dressed in plaid. I smiled at him, I love him so much and he is always 100% behind me.

“Sorry Sir, I was just kidding. Kurt knows that, right Kurt?” she said I turned to look at her hiding my small smirk and sighing sadly.

“I don’t know it hurt my feelings” I tried my best to make myself sound hurt and sad.

“Liar!” she snapped at me.

“I think you should leave” dad said, she huffed and stood up and left. “Kiddo, how are you feeling? What set you off?” he asked in concern. He walked up to my bed side and stood beside me and I know I was safe because my dad was here. He always makes me feel so safe, I remember him through all the good and bad times.

“Santana said he-“ Finn started as he walked to sit on the seat Rachael had been sitting on, obviously too much of a boy to know that Rachael will be mad he did not trail her like a puppy. I was sure as hell not going to tell him because she could die for all I care.

“I don’t care what Santa said-“

“Santana” Finn corrected.

“Her name could be peaches for all I care. The point is I want to know from my kid why he had a panic attack.” I saw Carol enter slowly and all eyes were on me.

“Someone told me they liked me and I freaked out” I said, dad looked pissed. “Dad he didn’t do anything wrong all he did was say he liked me, I just remembered-“

“Don’t say that Rapist’s name. I want to have a word with the kid that told you he liked you. You are only a senior Kurt, you are way too young and delicate to be in such a position. What you need now is to learn to handle emotions and things like that not handle boys.” Dad said. Sure, forget the fact Finn is dating but I am too young.

“I am fine Dad and please don’t go to school and embarrass me, I am fine.” I smiled at him, he stared at me for a while, his hand nervously rubbed the back of his head and he awkwardly patted my shoulder to show affection. Even though my dad did not say it, I know he loves me.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

 

Blaine POV

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

“Keep this up Anderson and you may actually turn me straight” Santana said as she sat up on my bed, the sheets covering her lower half. She smirked at me but I couldn’t do this. My life feels like it is unfolding to shit. The love of my life hates me and I had rough angry sex with Santana. A part of me wants to turn into a bitch and cry and the other half wants to walk down to where ever Kurt was and demand he date me. 

“I want Hummel” I snapped and moved away from her. Moving from my large king sized bed to the desk not too far away. She laughed, this made her breasts jiggle, and I hate breasts like hers so big and fake. 

“Maybe I am Bi, you’re half hard cock looks good” Santana laughs again. “The only way you can get virgin queen Hummel is by putting more effort than you are capable of. What will daddy say to you anyway?”

“What kind of effort?” I ask, she stares at me with a knowing expression.

“I am hungry-“she says.

“Santana, what kind of effort” I said, moving towards the bed. “What will make him want me? Just tell me, whatever it is. I can do it.”

“Hummel is a girl on the inside, calling himself an honorary girl, what to most girls love in a guy?” Santana asked me and it dawned on me.

“Money? Of course, I need to buy him stuff” how stupid could I have been, money made my mother love my father. Money can do no wrong.

“Wrong, Romance you fucking hobbit. Next you will tell me a good date will be playing video games and eating junk food with Hummel on your couch.” Santana snapped at me. In my defence, if I brought Kurt over for video games we would order in Chinese food.

“What if I let him win the games?” I ask.

“Watch sappy romance movies and use the stupid ideas to woe Lady Face.” She snaps before turning her back to me mumbling something about boys being retarded, so now I have to turn from me to prince fucking charming to get Kurt to look my way. His pussy better be worth all this fucking effort in the fucking end!

“So roses?” I ask Santana, she sighs and puts the pillow over her head.


	5. Epic fail, where is my swag?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you are sweating bullets and can't form a sentence, it is obvious you are sick.

Blaine POV

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Living in a palace alone is no fun, I sighed. I was not always alone. My dad used to actually love me, he and I used to play catch in the back yard when he was done from work. Cooper and I used to have singing competitions which we make mom and dad pay 5 dollars each to watch. My family used to love ‘me’, no. Not really ME, they loved straight me. At the end no matter how hard I try to act the part now; they want nothing to do with me. 

‘Life sucks’ the thoughts filled my head as the old maid moved to pour me a glass of water from her glass jug she looked at me with concern. “Meg, I am fine. Did dad or Mom say when they will be back?” I asked. She stared at me for a moment and I knew she was wondering if she should lie or not. Business came first, what made me think that they would actually care about anything other than me being gay or ‘fixed’ as Christian camp claimed and had released me.

“Master Blaine, I am sure your parents love you. Work just keeps them away, they would love to be here beside you if work did not call them away” I wanted to laugh in her face, she spoke as if trying to convince herself. She would have to be insane to believe her own words. I mean, sure my mom ‘loves’ me but she loved my father’s money more and in a situation when he asked her to stay with me or go to LA with my older brother with a platinum card. She will pick the cash every time. My eyes dragged to the aging black woman of average height and quickly greying hair. She wore a maid uniform that stopped four inches below her knee and had a smile that brightened up my day.

“So when will he check on me to make sure I am normal?” I asked. She flinched at my words, as if I had struck her physically. Her eyes softened and she moved away in the direction of the kitchen, Meg had been the one to clean me up after dad kicked my ass, she sat beside me and held my hand while my mom was out buying dresses. She had been the one sleeping on the floor of my room to make sure if I had nightmares she would make sure I was okay. She is the closest thing to a mother I have.

“Liking boys may not be right but you have the right to live your life as you wish and your father will check again in two weeks’ time” she said before leaving the room. I took out my I-phone and stared at the screen. I tried watching romantic movies but I could not get passed even one without losing interest. I ended up just Google searching how to woo a guy with a boy pussy. The answers I got were too guy-ish for Kurt; I mean does he even know football teams? I got advice to take him to games and play video games.  
I ended up Google searching how to woo girls. 

My mind went to the Kurt and all of a sudden I didn’t mind being flamboyantly gay for him, I wanted the romantic bullshit of holding hands and watching the stars with him and I usually cannot stand the thought of lying down and watching stars.

‘Flowers delivered’ my I-phone screen lit up with the message, I smiled at it. I wonder what Kurt would think of a hundred blood red roses at his house with four men holding sign boards with ‘go out with Blaine’ written on it. It is romantic enough and if that doesn’t grab the bull by its horn then I don’t know what will.

Maybe today won’t suck balls like how I imagined it in my head. Usually I wear my football varsity jacket but today I am dressing really gay with grey chino’s and a red Polo with geek glasses.my stubble is shaved and I top it off with geek sun glasses.

Another fact is I am joining gay explosion, better known as the glee club. I also plan to try talking to him again and if he is still not madly in love with me after this then I might as well kill myself.

‘Yay!!!!’

As I finish up breakfast, I attempt to pack up my plates but Meg stops me and pushes me out the door with my car keys. I walk over to the garage and unlock my car door ‘accidentally’ slamming the door into the Ferrari beside it. It is my dad’s ‘prized’ car.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I get to school and Kurt is already there with his friends in his cheerio uniform chatting away at his locker “Hey New kid!” I heard the familiar voice of Karofsky. “Dressing like a faggot is not allowed here” I turned to look at the idiot, his mouth ajar as he saw my face. “Anderson? What the fuck man, you look like a fucking pillow biter” he said in shock. Azimo looked like he was at a loss for words still opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

“Let me guess, Hummel? Only that fucking fairy can turn perfectly straight men into faggots” Chad came up behind Karofsky. “We should beat him straight- Blaine? What the fuck? We should kick both you and Hummel’s asses together.”

“After that we should throw them in the trash” Rick the stick commented. I really feel bad for them, thinking they can touch my Kurt with no consequences, if they really believe that a god will save them from me they should test their fucking luck.

“Fuck off” I said before trying to leave, Chad grabbed my arm and immediately my other hand reached for my knife disguised as my belt buckle. Unlike them I was not here to fuck around, if it’s a fucking horror show they want I will give it to them. 

“You guys need to back the fuck off” Wes to the rescue? I smirked at them; Wes and David are extremely loyal that is why they were my friends. Nothing closer than friends you ate glue and sand with as kids, Chad let go of my hand as Wes pushed him away, he stumbled into Karofsky.

“He is a fag and you are defending his pirate ass!” the defended.

“Unless you want to settle this after school in fight club, back the fuck off” David added. The four growled and left when the bell rang, as I turned in hopes of finally talking to Kurt, he was already gone. He was probably in class already learning. Fuck those bastards they made me miss my fucking chance to talk to Kurt and be all cool. I could see it in my head now.

I would have tapped his shoulder as he turned to look at me I would tell him how pretty he looked then I would slowly whispered in his ear that we could go to the make out room. He would giggle and nod, he would let me lead him away to the Janitor’s closet and I would kiss him, kiss him senseless till he willingly asks me to fuck him.

“Thanks a lot Blaine because of you we are going to be late” David growls, it wakes me from my thought. “Also why are you dressed so…?” David gestures to my clothes. “Different?”

“I want to woo someone” I said. Wes rose a brow at me he ran a hand through his hair then turned to David with a serious expression on his face, clearing his throat. He pointed at me as we walked.

“Blaine here has a crush on a boy, no. Blaine is whipped by a boy, he is wrapped around Kurt’s fingers like a string” Wes explains, David looks shocked his eyes moving from Wes to me.

“Wait a minute, when did you get a boner for Kurt Hummel? Is it just a bucket list thing like hit boy pussy before I die or is it you want to date him” he asked. 

“Date him” I replied. David punched me in the arm hard. “Ow!”

“Fuck, does Satan know? Cause if not dude, you are on your own. That girl is fucking crazy. Last year I heard she went nut cracker on Jeffrey, he just took off the dick cast.” David added. Shaking his head and punching me in the arm again.

“Ow, quit it! Chill out, she has been trying to get me to come out to Kurt for a while. I just- he doesn’t like the other me so I plan to join their gay group and sing faggy songs so he will let me into his pants. Maybe go out to breadsticks for dinner or something. You guys going to join glee with me?”

“But it’s so Gay- no offense” David groaned.

“That means okay” Wes said with a smirk.

“I can woo Kurt with our audition song” I added.

“Dude are you blushing?” David raised a brow. “You have it bad for him, but-” David looked around the empty hall way as they spoke to make sure no one was there. “Your dad will fucking kill you Blaine, am all for your gay reversal and shit but your father is not your number 1 fan.”

“I will deal with that later, after Kurt realises he is in love with me.” As I spoke Wes rolled his eyes and opened the classroom door, we stepped in and were scolded for going late but luckily no detention. I think the teacher was too shocked by my outfit to do anything.

I tried to catch Kurt’s eyes through the lecture but he didn’t even look my way once, sighing I decided after class, probably at lunch would be the best time to talk to him.

Xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kurt was sitting on the loser table, I dropped my tray beside Nick who smirked. “Get some Blainers” the question now was why his table suddenly looked so far away from me. Still I was not about to pussy out, not with my friends looking. I am going over there and I am going initiate conversation. I will not pussy out of it and I will make him my boyfriend by the end of today. Feet, come on. 

Move!

Any day now? 

Why am I sweating fucking bullets? I am finally moving, finally approaching Kurt. Kurt stared at me blankly, when I reached him, he was giving me the opportunity to speak to him.

“Like really I you, breadsticks with go will dinner to you at me?” what the fuck am I saying? Why can’t I speak proper English, where is all my bad ass game. Kurt raised a brow at me.

“Blaine, what the name of Sanata maria are you saying?” Santana asked, Finn finally noticing me stood up and stood between Kurt and me.

“What do you want Anderson, you Slushy my brother, I cut off your hobbit head” his eyes kept moving to puck who sat beside Rachael, one puck nodded he knew he had said the right thing.

“2+2 Finn?” I asked. He glared at me Puck stood behind him, Mike standing up to face me.

“I suggest you go back to your friends before the Puckersaurus puts you in a world of pain” Puck growled.

“Guys, leave him alone. He doesn’t want trouble right?” Kurt stood up. I nodded my head. “He just wants to talk to be about something, right?” I nod again. “Now say you are sorry for insulting each other”

“I am sorry” the fuck?! I don’t say fucking sorry, does Kurt have a spell on me?

“The fuck? Wait let me guess he wants into your pants Hummel? Is that this coming out rumour is about?” Puck asked. Kurt did not reply, he didn’t give me a chance to reply either, instead he lead me away and out of the cafeteria to the glee room. Shit I would follow him to my own death if he holds my hand like this, my hands felt sweaty. This is so fucking gay, its’ no wonder everyone say gay is a sickness.

“What is going on? I told you that I am not interested.” He snapped at me, was he mad at me?

“I- did you get my roses” I asked, he sighed before crossing his arm over his chest. “I am trying I swear, see my clothes I won’t dress like a jock anymore. I promise I will buy you anything you want. I don’t know what else I can give you, my soul?”

“Blaine I am not allowed to date anyone now so-” Kurt said.

“See we have things in common, my dad will put me in a coma if he finds out I am still sick” I added helpfully.

“Sick?” Kurt questioned.

“Gay.” I replied, Kurt sighed taking a step back to stare at me with big blue eyes, he bit his lip before sighing and finally shaking his head.

“I just don’t like you Blaine, you are rude and mean. You beat up people, you steal their lunch money and you apparently have problems speaking, plus all you want to do is fuck me. I don’t plan on letting you fuck me Blaine-” Kurt paused when he stared into my eyes. “Gaga you are putting me in a bad position”

“Puck was like me he changed for Quinn, I will change I promise.” Blaine wanted to say but it came out much like how he tried to ask Kurt out. “Changed I I will like was me he puck Quinn change promise” that seemed to make Kurt giggle shaking his head, I was sweating bullets. “I am even joining the glee club”

Xxxx xxxx xxxxx xxxX

Kurt POV

Xxxx xxxx xxxxx xxxX

He looks so miserable; he cannot even put words together. The whole school is talking about him coming out of the closet, and he did it because I felt he and Santana were playing games with me. He even dressed a little more sensible than usual. Still I don’t think I am going to be able to put my faith in him, he however looks willing to change. Honestly I didn’t get the roses, Dad must have hid them.

“I am not going to have sex with you” I repeat because I don’t think I want anyone between my legs ever again, sex hurts and it is really scary. If he joins Glee then I can finally have a dueling partner for a while, I am terrified because I have thoughts of him doing what HE did. If I don’t try this will I think every guy is the same? If I only go to public places, I will be safe.

“I don’t care, out go me with please” he looks cute nervous but if dad finds out about him, Blaine will be filed a restraining order. 

“Fine, one date-“ I didn’t finish my sentence before he hugs me. It oddly did not creep me out, everyone is so scared to touch me, I forgot how good a hug feels sometimes. I don’t know if this is considered me rebelling against my dad but I have to try and move past this, why not give him a chance. Gaga, why do I feel like I should not do this, instead run and hide under my bed in fear?

Taking a deep breath I pushed Blaine away, what the fuck am I doing? Dad set up those rules to protect me, going out with a guy I barely know is putting myself and family in danger. Who knows what kind of sicko he is, already planning to tie me up to the bed in his house and rape. Finn says I am just being paranoid, I felt this way about the mailman and had him fired by accident because of it. I know I am sick.

I am screwed up, it is unfair to lead Blaine on knowing fully well I am screwed up in the head. The bell rang and I quickly left, Gaga what have I done? Anderson is attractive but- this is wrong. I should stay far away from him, how am I meant to move on if I don’t try and learn to put faith in people?

Glee rolled around and I saw Blaine enter the class room with Nick, Jeff and Wes (the names Blaine introduced them as) all looking around skeptical but they tried out as a group. Which was weird seeing jocks sing and dance in their varsity Jackets but it is good for the team; Mercedes kept making goo-goo eyes at David. Mike was glaring at Wes as Tina stared at him, if looks could kill.


	6. Stood up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being stood up is no fun, poor Blaine.

_-_-_-_-_-__-

Blaine felt nervous; he sat there dressed in a black suit and white button up shirt with a red bow tie. He wondered if this was how people felt, he wondered if he should even be risking it all for Kurt. He looked to the watch on his wrist; he was still about thirty minutes early. He was so scared of being late he showed up an hour early and yet… he felt so unprepared and unsettled, he fumbled for his pocket and took out conversation cards Jeff had given him. “Lovely weather we are having” Blaine read the card out with a fake smile slapped on his face, he could hear the heavy rain over the music outside, shaking his head he put the card back into his pocket. That card did not apply tonight; he definitely did not want to seem like an idiot. Reading another card aloud he growled. “I love this place, the ‘insert here’ is amazing”, in all honestly Blaine hated breadstix food. 

He didn’t really want to lie on the first date; he was already lying though omission after all he does break into Kurt’s house to smell Kurt’s underwear. Tucking the card away he read the next, “Your dress looks absolutely stunning tonight; I wonder how I acquired such a rare beauty” the fuck? Blaine could not say such utter faggy bull gay fag shit. Tucking yet another card away he looked at the next one and glared at it. “I love being with you, the stars in the sky cannot shine and glitter like the stars I see in your ‘insert eye colour’ eyes” Blaine was done; he was not going to fag out. He was sick but not sick enough to say such utter bullshit. He put the cards away turning to his watch; it was almost time for Kurt to arrive. Blaine adjusted his bowtie and sat up straight, his tongue felt swollen and his stomach felt upset. Being gay was definitely a type of sickness; why else was his heart beating so fast and his hands getting sweaty? Everything had to be perfect because he needed Kurt to fall in love with him tonight.

Time ticked away and still no sign of Kurt, Blaine checked his watch again. The restaurant was closing in an hour and Blain had been there three hours, a waitress that had been on duty stopped at his table, she has red hair and green eyes. Her skin pale like porcelain, she flashed Blaine a sad smile. “Sweetie, I think you have been stood up, she is not coming and I hate this but if you don’t order anything my boss says I should ask you to leave”

“I know he is coming, it is probably the weather holding him up. He said he would come; he would not leave me here like this. Perhaps there is a problem, the roads too dangerous to drive.” Blaine felt like he could not breathe. He felt like he was suffocating as he breathed in and out. The waitress gave him a sad look before turning to look behind him at her co-workers with distress on her face.

Blaine knew the rain had stopped an hour ago, he knew Kurt could have stood him up but he just refused to accept the truth. “Order a drink and wait, maybe you are right, the weather is terrible out there” she smiled at Blaine. Maybe he should have never talked to Kurt in the first place; he was so out of Blaine’s league it amazed him that he did not feel compelled to bow when in Kurt’s presence.

Blaine checked his watch once more thirty minutes, thirty minutes to eleven and he was alone. Perhaps his soul was still not enough a cost to pay for a deity like Kurt to look his way, perhaps he needs to move on and leave Kurt alone. Maybe he was the one at fault, he annoyed Kurt in some way and Kurt was mad at him. That could be why Kurt did not show, maybe Kurt was trying to call him now to tell him he would be late and the rain messed up the signal.

Blaine stood outside his car door ready to leave his sorrow behind, the key in his right hand feeling like acting as a heavy weight of realisation. He realised that maybe, no one could ever love someone as sick as himself. Blaine opened the door of his father’s Ferrari and sat in it. Thoughts of him driving into the ocean filled his head; maybe the song he sang drove Kurt away. Perhaps he discovered how obsessed Blaine truly was; maybe he could not bear to be with someone as pathetic and faggy as Blaine. Perhaps the cocky attitude he wore in glee made Kurt run away, maybe Kurt had forgotten. He simply did not remember that Blaine and him had a date. It was an honest mistake; he must have mistaken the night for the next night. 

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Earlier that day

Kurt POV

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000  
Blaine and his ‘crew’ were singing “somewhere only we know”, Blaine sang lead as our eyes met, he started the song and I could almost sing the song alongside him, I loved this song. It made me think of growing old with somebody. 

"Somewhere Only We Know"  
I walked across an empty land  
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
I felt the earth beneath my feet  
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Blaine stood in the center of all his friends, he sang and move towards me. I sat frozen in shock because unlike the other song he sang, this time I was sure he was singing to me, my eyes went to Finn. Finn had his hands squeezed into fists and Rachael kept turning back to look at me.

Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
so tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

The song was beautiful, my eyes went back to Blaine who now stood beside me stretching his hand out to me, as if waiting for me to take it and for a moment I thought of taking it and running away with him. The thought flashed in my head, this would be the place where we started out and ended up with me tied up in a basement for two week, raped at every convenient moment by my captor. I tried to assure myself like my therapist had said so frequently, not all men were out to hurt me. I need to just take that leap of faith. The same faith that had me chained up in a basement like a sex toy for some bastard? I need to move past this stupid wall; Blaine cannot hurt me before so many people anyway.

I came across a fallen tree  
I felt the branches of it looking at me  
Is this the place we used to love?  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

I took his hand with hesitation and he pulled me up. He slowly led me down to the stool in the midst of his friends still singing, they had formed a circle around the stool. As I sat down I looked up at him, my eyes went to where he was staring. Then I saw it, kids were entering the glee club room all dropping single white roses on my lap. I was sure a small gasp left my mouth, I looked up at Finn, and his face was squeezed and slightly red in anger. He looked about ready to behead Blaine, I don’t understand why was Blaine going this far? My eyes went to the other glee club guy’s face their jaws dropped. Santana was smirking at me with an ‘I told you expression’ slapped confidently on her face. The girls looked genuinely shocked that this was happening, not just to anyone but to me… I mean really in this cow town this was happening to ME. 

Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're going to let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

Blaine and his friends circled me once more when they had moved away for the kids to be dropping roses on my lap. Blaine stood before me singing, he was smiling brightly and I felt tears start to fall down my cheeks, no one had ever done something like this for me before and I felt kind of special. I picked up the roses on my lap and buried my face in them, was this wrong? I was leading Blaine to believe I could ever be normal and have a normal relationship with him. A normal relationship that would one day progress to sex and trust, things I cannot give him. Things I am too messed up to want again.

And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?  
Somewhere only we know?

I cannot treat him like this, I am obviously too sick to want to do something or anything with him. To allow myself pain to pleasure another is no longer possible. After all sex is just unjustified pain to me and pleasure to him.

“The fuck is wrong with this guy” I heard Puck snap. “He is making us look fucking bad” I ignored Puck’s voice.

Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?  
Somewhere only we know?  
Somewhere only we know? 

The song ended and I noticed that Blaine was on his knee holding a box in his palm with a Michael kors watch in it. The latest watch in the collection, “Will you go out with me?” he asked. 

The club was silent, “Jesus, Kurt just fucking let him between your legs for fuck’s sake after all this he deserves it” Santana snapped breaking the silence. ( http://www.michaelkors.com/aiden-silver-tone-watch/_/R-US_MK8417?No=3&color=0040 ) 

“No need to talk to our new members that way, with them here we will definitely win Nationals” Mr Schue said, he smiled to the group and stood up.

“Blaine I can’t accept that, it costs way too much. All this is just way too much, I just can’t- I can’t do this. I am sorry.” I said as I ignored Mr Schue and finally spoke to Blaine who knelt kneeling and staring up at me with huge brown eyes. Why was I seeing myself in those eyes? I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand. Why was he so perfect? Oh Gaga! I stood up and ran out of the class room. I went to the bathroom, I heard him call after me.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
Blaine POV  
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I wanted to follow after Kurt but as the initial shock of him running finally hit me, Mercedes was out the door. As I tried to follow she shook her head, “No white boy, stay here” she said. I can’t believe he ran, if I am not made for you Kurt Hummel, then why does my heart tell me that I am? Why am I breathing in you? I love you whether it is wrong or right. I stared down at the watch, it hardly even made a dent on my money and it was too much? 

Had I screwed it all up? Maybe it was too much; maybe I should not have done all this. Fuck, I am so stupid, he already accepted a date with me and I ruined it. I turned to look at my friends, I wanted to cry but guys don’t cry. We smile and pretend we are fine. They gave me sympathetic smiles and we sat down, Wes beside me patted my back.

“Tough break dude” Nick sighed.

Still, if I am not made to be with him why do I feel drawn to him? Finn that bastard looked smug, if he was not Kurt’s fucking brother I would beat him up and trash his stupid face. “Am out of here” I snapped. Wes grabbed my hand and shook his head; did Wes really feel I should wait?

Mr Schue stepped up to distract everyone by talking about nationals, Rachael kept staring at me as if she wanted to grab me and put me in her purse. Yuck, even if I was not sick I would never date someone as annoying as here, I tried to distract myself but my eyes kept drifting to the door. I wish Kurt was in the room.  
Kurt came back at the end of Glee club, I was going to avoid him and save myself from further rejection. I tried to rush out but the demon known as Mercedes stood before me, she glared at me. “Listen white boy, my boy Kurt wants to talk to you so follow me.”

I turned to my friends, they nodded in understanding.

She led me to the science lab which was open, it should have been locked by now, and Kurt stood there. His cheeks flushed.

“I am sorry; I should not have-“he shook his head.

“Blaine I can’t do this, I can’t lead you on. I am messed up already, I am sorry but if I encourage you to pursue me you would be wasting your time” he bit his lip.

“Kurt, I am sorry if the performance annoyed you-“I began he laugh in a humourless way.

“Annoyed? To me it was an intimate gesture to show affection” stray tears fell down his cheeks. “It was beautiful and I loved it, I can’t believe you did that for me”

“I don’t understand, why don’t you like me?” I asked, my eyes falling to his feet.

“I like you that is why I am doing this!” Kurt snapped at me, “I will never be able to have a real relationship with you, do you get it?”

“I don’t care if it is not normal, I am not normal. Look around Kurt, nobody is normal these days, I like you and I don’t care how screwed up our relationship is or will be?” I said.

“What if I never want to have sex?” he asked. He gave a sad smile as he looked at my face, “I like you Blaine so I think you should date someone that will be able to be in a normal relationship with you”

“I don’t care about sex” I cared about it a lot, he and I will find loopholes if he does not want to have sex. “Please, I can take it. Just give me a chance” he stared at me funny and I realise I was so lost in his blue eyes that I had forgotten how to talk. “Please, I promise that I will make you happy”  
I took a step towards him and took his hand in mine.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I was going to drive home but I decided wait a bit, I saw a figure approach the door to breadstix. It was Kurt, he saw it was locked and frowned. I quickly stepped out “Kurt” he smiled at me.

“I am grounded” he said. 

“You snuck out?” I asked.

“Something like that” he smiled.

“This must be a dream, you cannot be real” I said, he disappeared, I could only imagine Kurt there. I was sick in more ways than one. I wish he was really here; still I have to go home.

Daniel bedingfield – if you are not the one

If you're not the one, why does my soul feel glad today?  
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?  
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?  
If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings  
But I know you're here with me now  
We'll make it through and I hope  
You are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?  
If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?  
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?  
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?  
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away  
But I know that this much is true  
We'll make it through and I hope  
You are the one I share my life with  
And I wish that you could be the one I die with  
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with

I hope I love you all my life  
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?  
'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong

That it takes my breath away  
And I breath you into my heart  
And I pray for the strength to stand today  
'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right  
And though I can't be with you tonight  
And you know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

End.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are reading this, i hope you loved it. Feel free to leave comments on what you think and if you have any ideas let me know. Next chapter - what happened to the roses Blaine first sent?


	7. Chapter 7

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  
3rd person POV  
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Kurt laid on his bed staring up at the ceiling before releasing a long suffering sigh, what did he want to do? He had to meet Blaine he can’t just stand him up, it would be rude. He was lying on his bed in his underwear, an action he was not familiar with but today he just needed to think. Plus Blaine had not done anything to make Kurt treat him that way, still the thought of putting on a pair of jeans and a shirt were making him tired. 

Kurt finally stands up and moves to the outfit on a hanger that he had put on his closet door, groaning at the pants. They were so tight putting them on would be another task, still he had told Blaine he would meet him at Breadstix and he was going to go. Taking a deep breath he put on his shirt and scarf, staring at the pants he groaned. When he was successfully dressed he looked at himself in the mirror in his closet and smiled, he wore blue skinny jeans and patterned shirt with a scarf around his neck. He grabbed his McQueen jacket as a precaution if he got cold. He headed up to tell Finn he was ready to go to breadstix.

Dad, Finn and Carol were seated on the couch watching a movie, it made my heart ache. They looked like a perfect family, I just screwed it up. Finn turned to look at me, “You are not going on a date with that Blaine character Kurt” Dad said without looking at me, as if talking about the weather. 

“You can’t do that!” Kurt snapped. Burt lifted the remote and paused their movie turning to give Kurt his full attention, he frowned at Kurt. “you can’t tell me what to do I am not a child, you can’t stop me”

“You move toward the door and I will pick you up and put you back in your room Kurt, boys your age have one thing on their mind” Burt said before his eyes dragged over Kurt’s clothes. “Do you really need to wear pants that tight? And I have the right to stop my kid from going out with a terrorist. Why can’t you hang out with Mercedes? Kurt you are too young to-“ 

“But Finn is not too young, I am a guy too dad. Or is it different because I like boys?” Kurt snapped. 

“Kurt honey-“ Carol opened her mouth to speak.

“This is a family discussion between my dad and myself, if you do not mind.” Kurt lashed out, Carol looked as if she had been slapped.

“Kurt you cannot talk to my mom like that!” Finn snapped standing up in an intimidating way. “Apologise right now!”

“Or what? You will throw me in the trash again? I am sick of all of you making decisions for me. I can make up my own mind, I hate all of you!”

“Kurt don’t you d-“ Burt was still speaking when Kurt turned to walk away. “Kurt you don’t walk away when I am talking to you.” Burt stood from the couch chasing after Kurt.

Kurt went back down to his bed and laid down crying. “You are grounded for two weeks hand over your phone, laptop, ipod and ipad. You will get them back when you apologise to everyone. I have never been so disappointed in you Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. All this fuss stirred up over some boy who probably doesn’t care about you.”

“Some boy? This ‘fuss’ is over more than ‘Some boy’, you treat me like I am damaged property. You don’t believe I can make my own decisions, do you?!” Kurt snapped.

“I will not put my depressed son in a situation that can trigger an unfavourable outcome.” Burt snapped back. “There is a reason there are no longer any sharp knives in this house” Burt growled, he wanted Kurt to understand. Everything he was doing was for him, he loved his son. “I am so disappointed in you”

“Good dad, be disappointed in me, I was a disappointment the moment I was born without a fucking dick. Maybe now you can spend more time with your ‘perfect’ son and finally have your ‘perfect’ family.” Kurt snapped angrily, he was so angry. Burt Hummel did not reply but he had a feeling that Blaine character was turning his son into a delinquent, if what Finn had told him was true then he was doing the right thing. He went back upstairs to watch a movie ignoring his son’s sobs no matter how much it broke his heart, he had to protect his son.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
Blaine POV  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I had basically skipped school for a week and today I pretty much missed all my morning classes because I was arriving so close to lunch time. The strong feelings of worthlessness still hung over my head and I felt so stupid, now I think over my actions I realise I must have done something wrong. Still I wanted some kind of explanation from Kurt, just a reason why he stood me up. It did not even have to be a good reason but I need to understand.

I wish I could be over him but am not, I find myself just wanting to hold his hand and walk down the hallway. I was such a fucking mess. I headed for the cafeteria where I assumed Kurt would be seating with his gleek friends but he wasn’t seating with them today. I was shocked to see that the unholy trinity and Mercedes were seating on a different table from Puck, Finn, wheelchair kid, Asian guy and girl, Rachael and not just any table, they were seating with my friends. My friends that I had avoided for a week, what the fuck has happened?

I approached my table; Karofsky and his friend were on a different table. “Hey” I said when all eyes stared at me then moved to Kurt who looked amazing in a cheerleading outfit, fuck I hope it’s a skirt today, I would sell my left nut just for a peak up his skirt. How pathetic can I be, having a boner for a guy that is not interested in me. He deserves better than some Lima loser anyway. Staring at him, I felt my heart skip a beat and it was getting hard to breath.

Shit, what happened to all my resolve? Because as of right now I don’t even care if he had a good reason for ditching me that night. I just want to take him around the world and shower him with gifts, I felt my face turn red. 

Kurt suddenly stood from his seat and my eyes dropped down, as luck would have it he was wearing a skirt, “I- can we talk?” he said softly when he had approached me. I nod my head dumbly and he grabbed my hand, he lead me out of the cafeteria into the hallway. This has to be a dream, fuck I must be imagining this because there is no way this is real. My eyes trained on his ass, fuck if only I could touch his butt. How we got to the science lab, I have no idea, my eyes were on his skirt. “Blaine about that night-“

“It’s okay, it was short notice. You were probably really busy, I am so sorry” I blurted out and he shook his head with a frown.

“I was not busy Blaine-“ Kurt looked nervous, his bottom lip between his teeth. I love him, I love him, I fucking love him! I just want to be around him 24/7.  
“It’s okay really, I don’t care-“ I began but Kurt put a finger to my lips, fuck. When his finger pulls away I lick my lips, anything he wants. 

“I told you before that I am not allowed to date anyone, Finn told my dad I had a date and I have been grounded since our date night” Kurt said. That meant that he didn’t ditch me, it mean he actually wanted to go out with me. “Finn and I are not on speaking terms right now.”

“Is that why you are on separate tables? Not that I don’t want you on my table, you can seat on my table, fuck you can seat on me. Fuck I can get you a stool now so you can seat down.” I said in panic I was probably screwing up any chance I had with him. Today however luck was on my side he giggled behind his hand he placed over his mouth. 

“You are really funny” he comments, does that mean friendzone? No fucking way, I want to be the only one to hold his hand.

“I still like your face” I blurt out, if I tell him I want to marry him how will he feel? He would probably feel creeped out but in all honestly there is no one else I see myself spending my life with.

“I like my face too, I like yours too” he teases, I smile at him.  
“Want to skip school with me, we can do anything you want” I asked, he looked uncomfortable with the thought. 

“Can Mercedes and David come with?” he asked, I nod. 

“Anything you want” I assure him, he smiles at me and I lace our fingers together. He stares at it and his face turns red, like mine.

“Teenagers with hormones are not meant to hook up in my science lab, out with the both of you” Kurt pulls away from me at Mr Oat’s words. “Then again you two are holding hands and blushing like virgins, I doubt you will do more than footsie” this guy is such a dick. This is why he is a single balding man on the verge of 50 still teaching science to kids even though he claims to have gone to MIT.

I just followed Kurt back to the cafeteria, my eyes still fixed on Kurt’s ass as he moved. If I ‘accidentally’ trip now would I get a good look up his skirt? Fuck.   
Wait, I feel a disturbance in the force, I immediately take a step back only now realising Finn was standing beside me and had thrown a punch I had somehow dodged. 

“Stay away from my brother Anderson!” Finn snapped, his face blazing red. Puck by his side glaring daggers at me, Kurt stepped in between us to glare at Finn and Puck.

“Go away Finn” Kurt snapped. Santana was at his side immediately she snapped at Puck in Spanish causing him to flinch away.

“Fuck, Santana. I am just trying to help Hummel” Puck frowned.

“Kurt doesn’t know what Anderson really wants from him!” Finn snapped, Puck turned to Kurt attempting to touch him but Kurt flinched away.

“You don’t know anything Finn” Kurt frowned.

“Kurt dude, Anderson only wants into your pants.” Puck said in frustration, the cafeteria went quiet it was only then I realised we were in the cafeteria. “Kurt just listen to us, Anderson is a fucking dog. You are like those cute penguins that have no idea a predator is tailing you. Puckzilla cannot let you get eaten”

“Yeah, what Puck said” Finn nodded his head in agreement. “Rachael said you are acting like this for attention, you have my attention little bro and I realise we have not chilled in a while so I am willing to set Friday as our chill day.”

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Kurt POV  
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I have never been so embarrassed in my life; my face was turning pink in shame. How could Finn and Puck plaster my business before the whole school. I wanted to run away and hide, somewhere no one would find me. “Finn don’t you dare insult me” I snapped at him. "I don’t want attention if anything I want you to butt out of my life!” I yelled angrily at him, he seemed unfazed keeping his gaze on Blaine.

“I like Kurt a lot, I don’t see how you Puck of all people cannot understand what it’s like to really like someone, you fucked every girl in school and fell for Quinn, no one gave you hell. So why are you-“ Blaine said, the silence was broken by a well-aimed punch directed at him, luckily Blaine dodged it by moving to the side just in time.

“Don’t compare me to you, Finn told me how you spent your week?” Puck snapped. “You asshole, Kurt is not some game. He isn’t some chick you score and treat like shit.”

“What makes you think I am playing games? And pleas enlighten me, how did I spend my week Finn? please tell all of us what I did with my time. Where do I even live?” I asked. Finn looked nervous, “Please tell us all how I fucking spent my week”

“Dude tell him how you saw him with a group of girl leaving that hotel, Finn speak up. Let Kurt know what kind of bastard this ass-hat is!” puck growled. Finn cleared his throat as all eyes moved to him, he nervously flushed red.

“I didn’t say I saw him, I said he could have spent it in a hotel-“ Finn was cut off by a punch to the gut that made him double over, punch a courtesy gift from Puck.

“The fuck? You just fucking made me look like a fucking dick!” Puck swore loudly before stomping out of the cafeteria. I turned to Blaine who was glaring at Finn’s doubled over form, I was mad but not mad enough to let Blaine hurt Finn. I grabbed Blaine’s hand and led him away from the scene.

I could hear Racheal screeching in the background and Santana swearing in Spanish, once we were far enough from the cafeteria I stopped, letting go of Blain e’s hand. I built up the courage in me, hoping that this would not end up with me tied in some basement or attic.

“I will ditch with you” I said, he smiled at me and he led the way. He led us to his bike when we slipped out though the window of the boy’s bathroom, I really have never done anything like this before, ditching and riding a motorcycle, I felt scared and the world felt like it was spinning but at the same time I felt calm.

“We can take your car, we don’t have to take the bike. We can do whatever you want, just being beside you is enough for me” Blaine said, his cheeks turning pink like mine. 

“We can use your motorcycle; I am not allowed to drive and Finn has the keys to the car.” I replied, he nodded before getting on his bike and turning it on.

“Promise you won’t take me somewhere to hurt me” I whispered to him. What if he was playing me what if-

“I will never hurt you, I swear. I like you; I like you more than I like myself. I would never hurt you Kurt because you are what I see when I look to the future.” Blaine looked confused, like he was trying to put the right words together. Even with all the fumbles, it came out nice. 

I straddled the bike, seating behind him, he gave me his helmet which would no doubt ruin my hair. Still it didn’t matter, I put it on and wrapped my arms around him. It made me feel uncomfortable and I tried to calm myself down because I was feeling worse. World spinning and vision filling with black spots, I was terrified but I am so sick of living in a bubble. 

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Dear Journal,

‘Today is not like any other day, things are looking up for Kurt Hummel’. I begin with this quote like I always do in hopes of it becoming true finally it is coming true. Today was the best day of my life…

TBC

For the first time- John legend

 

Is that music in my ear  
It's like I heard nothing for a thousand years  
My eyes were closed, locking in my tears  
I was so surrounded but still all alone  
A great big house but so far from home  
How'd you breathe life in this heart of soul  
It's like I can feel, it's like I can breathe

It's like I can live, it's like I can love  
For the first time, for the first time  
For the first time, for the first time

I'm electric, finally exposed  
You see through me, strip off all my clothes  
If this is falling, then let me go, oh

It's like I can feel, it's like I can breathe  
It's like I can live, it's like I can love  
For the first time, for the first time  
For the first time, for the first time

I'm finally awake and I can feel my heart  
It's beating like a drum when I'm right here where you are  
I can feel it, I can feel it, oh  
Can you feel it

It's like I can feel, it's like I can breathe  
It's like I can live, it's like I can love  
For the first time, for the first time  
For the first time, for the first time


	8. The date and the case of the missing roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The amazing date, and what really happened that screwed Kurt in the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment.

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Kurt POV

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It was the feeling of freedom that scared Kurt as he held unto Blaine even tighter, he felt free and it scared him. For all he knew Blaine could be planning something, just like what HE did. Kurt ignored rules set out to protect him all because he wanted to hang out with Blaine. All because of ‘some boy’ if only his self from 3 years ago could see him today. He was sure he would have bitched his self out by now.

This was definitely fucked up and if his father ever finds out, it would mean home schooling and no more 'freedom'. He didn't ask Blaine where they were going and he shut his eyes trying to clear thoughts of him bound in a dark room like some animal. He wondered why Blaine would even bother with a broken boy like him, he wondered if Blaine even knew how fucked in the head he was. His thoughts finally settled on Finn and his way of 'protecting' Kurt. Kurt wondered if Finn had ulterior motives or if he really even liked Kurt at all. In his former school Finn used to dump him in the trash all the time. It stopped when he was fourteen and their parents got married. It started again temporarily when they moved to Ohio. Finn didn’t participate at all, he held Kurt’s jacket while Puck and the rest threw him in the trash. It stop a week after that, it stopped after Kurt’s fourth attempt at suicide.

The bike slowed to a holt and Kurt finally opened his eyes to see a diner, he flushed when he realised he was still holding unto Blaine, letting go he took off the helmet. "Where are we?" Kurt asked cautiously, he could not identify anything here and it scared him. He was in an unknown location with a boy he barely knew and not until recently used to like.

"Lucy's diner, the one kid in our school go to for pancakes, the have the best." Blaine smiled reassuring Kurt that it was fine. Kurt looked from Blaine to the diner nervously; turning to Blaine he shook his head.

"Can we please go somewhere I know, like a park or something? I don't like new places. Don't be mad but I am more comfortable in places I know." Kurt said in a small voice, Blaine nodded without hesitation.

"Just tell me where you want to go beautiful, your wish is my command." Blaine watched Kurt fix the helmet back and once in place he sped off. Taking Kurt to breadstix instead, think their food was crappy at night. Spoiler it's worse during the day. Kurt stared at breadstix for a moment feeling nervous, what I'd he knew someone there.

"Can we go to that amusement park" Kurt asked finally, he didn't want to upset Blaine, he also didn't want one of Burt or Carole's friends spotting him and telling on how he ditched. He expected Blaine to yell at him or smack him, Blaine just smiled and nodded.

The amusement park was a thirty minute drive, it was almost empty. Just a few people here and there, Kurt didn't want to ride any of the rides but he wanted to sit on a bench and eat cotton candy and popcorn. He had not had it since he was a kid and Burt never took him here, afraid the crowd of people may give Kurt a panic attack.

As they walked to the bench he noticed the red tint in Blaine's cheeks and the sweat running down his forehead, Blaine wanted something. Kurt felt his heart beat loudly in his chest, would he hurt Kurt? He had been so stupid to follow Blaine blindly. "Kurt, do you think that I could hold your hand? It's okay if you don't want me to, there is no pressure I-" 

"I guess you can" I felt my cheeks heat up when he grabbed my hand and knitted our fingers together, we walked slowly and it was like time slowed down. "So, have you been here before?" 'Stupid question he drove us here with no problem finding here, of course he has been here before' Kurt thought to himself.

"A few times" Blaine said. "Can I get you anything?" Blaine looked nervous.

"Yes, I kind of want-" Blaine ran off not letting me finish, I sat on the bench looking around making sure no one was targeting me. He came back ten minutes later with one of everything in a box, popcorn, cheese dogs, hotdogs, chocolate covered apples, pretzels and much more. "Did you buy one of everything?" He blushed. 

"I want to make sure you have everything, Fuck. I will give you anything and everything I can possibly give." Blaine said. He sat beside me, the box in between us. "Can you talk about you, I want to know everything about you. That is if you don't mind, I don't want to force you. You can ask me anything too, my middle name, my birthday, my anything”

Kurt felt weird, he could say a million and one awful things about himself but to say positive things and talk about himself like he was anything special. He just couldn’t do it, he wasn’t even sure what to say about himself. He was a fucked up kid that is afraid and paranoid who took a year off school to be placed in a mental institution.

Kurt smiled down at the box and picked up a soft pretzel, taking a bite he thought of what to say, silence dragged on between them. 

Blaine stared at Kurt with heated gazes as if waiting for Kurt to open up books about himself and spill his guts.

“I like clothes, designer clothes.” Kurt finally said after much thought, he didn’t expect a wide toothy grin on Blaine’s face to appear.

“It’s no wonder you always look so amazing” Blaine said, it made Kurt’s cheeks redden.

“Thanks I guess, you look a lot better now out of the stupid letter jacket” Kurt said, Blaine stood.

“Let me get you a drink”

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I wasn’t always a weird fashionista closed off in my room with my dad and Finn always at my neck, believe it or not I used to be normal. Well as normal as I could have been considering I was a boy with a pussy and gay and likes fashion. I used to be happy.

How do I start? How should I begin this story?

Well it all began 4 years ago, in a small city much more accepting of homosexuality than Ohio. I fell for a boy, not just any boy; The boy. Mr popular with perfect brown hair and amazing green eyes, he was a senior. I was just fourteen and I had been in love with Alexander for about 3 years and one day he noticed me. He was the hottest boy in school and played basketball, he had nice abs and stood at 6feet2 inches, towering over my pathetic 5 foot 5 inches at that time.

He noticed me, I was a nobody with only a handful of friends and suddenly I was Alexander Mills boyfriend. He chose me to be his boyfriend, we went out on the most romantic dates. I remember one time we had dinner under the stars as he held my hand.

It was amazing, he took me to this apartment building and had a picnic mat laid out with a picnic basket in the centre of it. We talked about everything, from sports to musicals to our family as we ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, he was not the best cook but the fact he made it made me love it. We held hands and I fell asleep on him, I woke up in his room. He slept on the floor and I thought he loved me. I was so stupid.

He was perfect. Or so he seemed, he pretended to be everything I needed, everything I wanted. He had me perfectly fooled.

My dad thought he was a bit off, so did Finn. It didn’t matter though because he was always there for me, even when my dad had a heart attack scare he stayed beside me in the hospital and I cried on his shoulder. He told me everything would be alright and he would always be at my side. He swore that if anything ever happened he would protect me and if I had nowhere to go I could stay with him. I called him by his middle name most times. David, because only I knew him as David, no one else could call him that.

I loved him so much; I was so in love with him it hurt to be away from him. I was completely and utterly in love with him and the romantic dinners. The movie dates and the footsie under the table. He seemed normal, I met his parents when they were around because they were hardly ever around, and they owned a huge company and travelled a lot. They were hardly ever home, he had a maid that had raised him from birth. She had called the police when she had found me bleeding to death on his basement floor. He had killed her.

I guess the real problem started when he wanted to have sex with me our six month anniversary, I was not ready. When I told him I was not ready it was like something in him snapped. He smiled that night and assured me he understood and that he would wait till I was ready. He kissed me goodnight like he always did and went home.

I mean my life then was romantic and all, he wanted to make my first time as romantic as possible. Rose petals everywhere and amazing music in the background but I couldn’t let myself have sex with him. I almost did but my dad’s words keep repeating over and over in my head. ‘You matter, don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter’

It was as I slept a month after that I woke up to see Alex standing there, he stared at me for a while. “You were not meant to be awake beautiful it would have been much more easier” before I could process anything I felt a needle in my neck. It went dark after that, the next time I woke up I was naked in a basement. I was bound with ropes, a chain around my neck connected to the wall and ropes bound my hands behind my back.

I screamed myself hoarse in fear, I was not sure how long I sat there before he appeared, I thought I was saved. Alex had come to save me but then his face morphed into a smile. He knelt before me to my level and laughed before using his hand to cup my cheek.

He pulled out his phone and took pictures, pictures of me, pictures of my pussy. Then he kissed me and told me he loved me but he could not wait any longer and that I was his.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I looked up from my journal, I wanted to write the full story but I was already in tears, though the police had taken down the site that had a naked 14 year old me on it. It was child pornography so even owning a copy was illegal but it scared me that people had the sick videos and pictures Alex had taken of me.   
My tears ran down my cheek to my journal, I finally thought I was ready, I am not. I don’t want to remember, my therapist said until I can talk about what happened I cannot be better.

I am just fucked up.

I thought today would be the day I overcome my demons, but it seems like it was all a fallacy. I am always going to be screwed in the head and I need to accept the fact that I was destined to slit my wrists and die. There is no getting better.  
There is no brighter future.

Blaine would soon realise how fucked I am and leave, dad will get frustrated and give up. I will end up all alone.

Still I am here waiting to be proved wrong. Wanting to finally be-

Finally be happy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
Blaine POV  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I felt evil as I watched Kurt sleep peacefully, I had put a certain pill in the lemonade I had gotten Kurt, and it was designed to make the person when he/she falls asleep dead to the worlds. Blaine licked his dry lips as he slowly pulled back the covers; Kurt was sleeping in a large shirt that ended mid-thigh. His skin was soft and pale like cotton wool. Bad comparison? I know. I just cannot describe the feeling of his skin beneath my fingers.

I had a flash light in my other hand, I stared at Kurt’s thigh, so pale and perfect like a dream. I lifted the shirt uncovering the black silk panties; I felt my pants get tighter as I stared at the wet patch on the panties. Kurt was wet, the pill was meant to make him horny and receptive to touch. A single tough to his clit would be like I sucked on it for thirty minutes.

Fuck. 

My finger found its way between Kurt’s legs pushing the panties between the folds to touch his clit. I let them trail from his pussy to his nipple. Pulling up the shirt he wore, I pulled it higher till I saw those red-pink buttons. Leaning down I flicked one with my tongue before giving it a suck, Kurt didn’t moan.

I pulled at my zipper, and unbuttoned my pants pulling down my pants and boxers I freed my erection and groaned when it met cold air. If only I could eat Kurt out, there was no point though because he would not know and I want him aware the first time my tongue touches his pussy. I bit my bottom lip hard to silence my moans.

Maybe if I just saw his pussy, maybe if I could pull down his panties and stare, I would be okay, I dropped the flash light when I grabbed hold of my penis. I had never been this hard before and it hurt. 

I ran my hand down the shaft of my penis and back up to the tip groaning loudly before biting my bottom lip to silence my moans. I tried for ten minutes to rub one out but it seemed my dick was just getting harder. The more I looked the tastier his pussy looked in those tiny black panties.

Just one look, a lick and I will stop.

I stop myself, perving on Kurt and raping him were two different things. I leaned over him and our lips touched for the first time, I straddled his still body, his chest rising and falling in a pattern under my finger tips. 

I kissed my way to his neck and bite down. He tastes so fucking good, I went down to his nipple and sucked hard on it. It began to harden.

I could not see a thing and it made it even more erotic. I slowly started working on my dick aiming my dick to Kurt’s chest with every intention to cum on his nipples. I almost shot my load when I stopped to let my finger slip under Kurt’s panties and between the folds to the tiny nub, I rubbed it raw until Kurt’s body convulsed. And my finger coated completely with his cum.

I sucked on my fingers coated with cum and involuntarily came without a single touch to my dick. I wasn’t sure where I shot my load but the taste of Kurt’s juices in my mouth made me cum immediately. Perhaps cum too quickly and I wasn’t sure where or what I had cum on.

I picked up the discarded flash light when I slowly got off Kurt.

I was sick, if Kurt knew how sick I was could he ever love me? I drugged him and broke into his room to masturbate and touch him, he would probably hate me. I am such a fuck up.

I am fucking sick.

He will never love me.

I am a lima loser.

Maybe this was all a bad idea, I should never have gotten Kurt involved with my problems.

As he laid there sleeping I felt tears run down my cheeks, I loved him. If he should ever finds out. He would probably never love me.

TBC

OMAKE

The doorbell rang in the Hummel-Hudson home, Burt groaned loudly as he stood up from the couch with a beer in hand and walked to the door. Opening it he saw some guys holding flowers, roses to be exact and boards that read ‘Go out with Blaine’

“We are looking for a Mr.-“ the man looked down at the paper in his hands. “Kurt Hummel” he looked up at Burt, Burt groaned. Why could boys not stay clear of his precious baby boy.

“I am Kurt Hummel” Burt said.

“Are you sure, these flowers are from a very young-“ the man began but paused. He glanced to his crew and nodded. They sang a song and handed Burt the flowers. Burt shut the door behind him after and walked up to Carole in the kitchen giving her some, she smiled and kissed his cheek.

He went down to his son’s room, knocking first of course. He gave Kurt the remaining roses he had in hand. Kurt squealed happily and hugged his father.

“Dad these are beautiful, I can’t believe you got me flowers.” Kurt took them in hand.

“I am happy you like them kiddo, I got Carole some too. Thought you two would love them.” Burt smiled when his son hugged him.


End file.
